Today was the day I planned on giving my two-week notice at work, and talking to Lukas about my plans so that he can start figuring out what he is going to do.
It was really hard to tell them. I feel bad both at home and at work. At home, what is Lukas going to do? I need him to tell me if he is going to stay at this place or not so I can either put him on the lease or have my 30 day move out notice ready. At work, I know I'm replaceable, but I still feel like I'm putting them in a lurch too. Tawnya and Mark were saying how they hate to see me go, but wished me luck.
It's really hard to have people who rely on me feel like I'm dropping them. I'm not! Or that's not really my intentions. I just can't let people hold me back any more. I keep using them as excuses as to why I can't leave...like my grandmother, for example. But there comes a time when you have to do what YOU want to do. So that's what I'm set out to do.
I've already hit some negativity. Mom and Dad think I should get on Zoloft to "solve your need to be somewhere other than where you are." Thanks. I'm sure they mean well, but that kind of hurt my feelings. I won't go there tho. They just worry, I guess. Support (without worry)will settle in as soon as the shock wears off....at least I hope so anyway!
I'm going to talk to Kimberly and Nana in the next two days...I don't expect a good reaction. Nana usually thinks I'm just throwing my life away or can't afford to do the things I do (obviously I can). She means well too...just has a way of hurting my feelings in the process. Kimberly will probably lock me in her bathroom and not let me leave. haha
The two people who haven't given me crap and shown me support wholly are Chris and Michelle. They've listened to me, pointing out the good and bad, while providing complete honesty and suggestions. They don't think I'm crazy (the bad kind, anyway)...they think I'm smart and brave.
I might fall flat on my face, but at least I tried, right?
So my last day will be August 8th. I plan to leave 8/11 for Washington DC. I want to catch My Chemical Romance August 12 at the Jiffy Lube Live venue, and mewithoutYou at the Black Cat. If they are just as amazing as they were last time I saw them, I might just drop my other plans and drive to Norfolk to see them again and go on to Virginia Beach. If not, I'll continue with my plan to hit Philly, NYC, Boston, Buffalo, and Cincinnati. I just have to make sure I'm back in AR by August 23 at the LATEST so I can get my stuff moved out, but still have time to hang out in Little Rock before going to Monticello for a day or two and heading to Jacksonville, FL, with Siobhan...who I guess I should call to confirm my plans!
Wish me luck with the breaking of news (and hearts).....
MANY X'x and O's **tutt tutt!!
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